the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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