But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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