She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
