thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
