Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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