The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My ass is underappreciated
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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