He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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