possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Actions speak louder than pants.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
