We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
