i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
