you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
