I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
