I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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