Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
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