Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
BRING THE BAGELS
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
