Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize