I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
