I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize