I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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