Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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