Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
