Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
