I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
