you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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