So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
