Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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