I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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