I hate your face
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
