Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Randomize
