You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
