i barfeds in our rink
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
