This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
