Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
