My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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