What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
