i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
