The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
