I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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