I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
