Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
