I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
