please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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