fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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