and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
