you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
