Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
