My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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