Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
