So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
