he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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