oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
