Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
