Your dad touched me again.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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