throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
