i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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