I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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