the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
