Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i will never coherently bang her
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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