i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I got inside last night via doggy door
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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