I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
