Tell her she can't have a vagina
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
