I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
