I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
