I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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