he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We left an ass print on the piano.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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