Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you didnt know i had herpes?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
