So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
