dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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