Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
